Help Whinging!!!

Today my little girl mastered a new skill… now; I am not the type to brag but this achievement brought tears to my eyes and evoked all kinds of emotions. Grab the ear plugs and the rescue remedy. My little angel has mastered the fine art of whinging.

Fortunately for me from years of experience I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a phase and if managed correctly should pass quickly (she says on bended knees pleading). I know it’s a behaviour that will raise its ugly, rather noisy head again and again, but, deep breath in, we will get through it.

I am firm believer in understanding “the why” to find a resolution. In this case why do children whinge and what category does my child fall into.

Children mainly whinge when they need attention. Adults are responsible for everything a child needs…food, drink, nappy changes, love, affection, toys, transportation to name but a few.  The whinge is a cry for help from the child designed to get attention and is a fantastic technique for evoking a response.

It is also important to remember that all children believe the world revolves around them. Dare you try to make the dinner, do the house-work, chat with a friend or anything else that involves taking the focus away from them if your child wants your attention the whinge it a good strategy.

Another reason young children whinge is they do not know how to express their feelings so they do so by whinging and sobbing.

The next reason heart wrenchingly is the one I think my little girl fits into. Some children whinge when they feel a sense of disconnection from their parents or carers. In our case, me. As I said before I look after other children with her during the day and sharing “my mammy” is proving difficult for her. It is escalated by that fact that a few others are not too happy about sharing me either making a room full of whingers. Before she was able to walk she did not mind me leaving the room, now she wants to go everywhere with me and if that is not possible….that’s right you guessed it. Queue the whinging.

Over the years I have found some useful solutions to limiting the amount of whinging-

The first and most important thing to do is to is to prevent whinging altogether. Make sure your child is fed and watered, slept, been to the toilet or had their nappy changed. Especially if you need to leave the house.

The first step in solving the problem is to make your child aware of what whinging is. So when a child makes that shrill ear piercing sound I ask them if they can hear that noise. I even copy it which often provokes a laugh.  I tell them this is called whinging and there is no whinging in Dels house you need to use your words in a nice voice so I can help you.  We then practice the nice voice. I explain that I cannot understand or hear properly what they are saying when they whinge so it is very important to use their nice voice.

The second step is to acknowledging the child’s need for attention. If they ask you for something, or just want to talk to you, let them know you have heard their request. (If you ignore it they will only whinge louder).  If they asked in a whingy voice ask them to repeat it remind them you can’t understand when they talk like that.  When they ask politely consider the request if it is something you are happy to give do and thank them for asking nicely. If not, explain why you can’t again thank them for asking nicely. Give them a big hug instead they may whinge again or have a wobbler. Stick to your decision if you cave and give in you will be training a whinging expert.

If it is your attention or time your child is looking for give them a time frame for when you can play with them and stick to it. Don’t forget to thank them for asking nicely. Remember that children need attention to feel loved and secure. Remember each child has different needs and one to one time with each child is very important. I know with busy schedules finding time can be hard but it’s very important for your child’s confidence and your relationship with your child to make the effort.

Spending time with children really does pay off. During the day I make a special effort to talk to each child individually. I show an interest in their lives as a result they are always looking forward to telling me their news and hearing mine.  I also make sure I spend one to one time with each child by reading a story, doing a jig-saw, building with Lego to name a few, they all love when it is their turn. Once the children are old enough to understand the rarely whinge for my attention.

Encouraging children to express their feeling and feeding them the words they need to express them is also very important. For example if your child is whinging because they are angry they cannot have a particular toy or thing to eat it is very helpful to explain to them why they feel the way they do. On the inside they are angry frustrated and feel the world is against them. It is important to let them know that you know how they feel; angry, sad maybe even hungry. Explain the reason why they are unable to have whatever it they are looking for this is not a negotiation so don’t give in after explaining why they can’t.

The most important thing is to be consistent never give in to whinging giving in once will send your child the message that whinging works and that you can be broken down.

In our case my little lady is a bit young for some of the techniques but I know is very important to not let a whinging habit begin. For now prevention is the best strategy. The whinging is worst when she near a meal time, very tired and when I need to leave the room. Our plan is to make sure hunger is not a factor if she shows signs of whinging she can have her meals a bit earlier or some fruit. She is a great sleeper but she struggles in the last hour before bed time which is also when the other children go home meaning I have to leave the room. We plan to take out different toys for this last hour and have daddy stay in the room with her fingers crossed this proves a big enough distraction and an end to the whinging.

emmmmm cake.

I’ve always had a thing for cake. As a child while on holidays usually around the coast of Ireland my parents would say “we are going for a drive.” Usually followed by the bribe “we may stop somewhere nice.”

Queue the day dream……. The rain beating on the window brought images of sugar glistening on cherry filled scones, lovely moist Madeira cake waiting to be sliced, I could almost taste the sweet lemon coating on the drizzle cake and smell the distinctive sweet scent of the coffee cake. Images of iced buns, gingerbread, caramel squares, would fill my mind then I’d ask the inevitable question are we stopping at a “tea rooms?”After many years of stopping at “tea rooms” I had turned into quite the cake critic.

Just like most children, birthday parties played a big role in my childhood and with each one came cake.   Some of the classics I remember were road kill Barbie, or what appeared to be a colour run jumper with a head stuck on posing as rainbow bright, one cake had an image of rather sweet looking cat, way too sweet to be the thunder cat it was imitating

Some cakes were moist and delicious but most resembled a sponge, and by that I mean the bath kind. The most shocking thing of all was not what these cakes looked or tasted like. No, it was the reaction of all the grown- ups present. They would all gather round taking pictures and offering endless congratulations. I mean had they ever seen a Barbie? Watched rainbow bright or the thunder cats????

Fast forward 20+ years
and I find myself posting this on Facebook. “So the cake idea started out as a caterpillar. Things in reality did not turn out quite as I imagined and the caterpillar morphed into a dinosaur. “Panic had set in!” You know how it is, a dinosaur seems wrong for a girls first birthday party. So I now have seven blobs I hope to magically do some patch work on and have a caterpillar by tomorrow.”

I was thrilled with the complements and the photos. I just hope my raspberry and White chocolate cupcakes along with the chocolate biscuit cake kept the critics happy.

Tried and Tested Toilet Training Tips.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for reading my blog and for the feedback I receive.

One of my readers requested advice on the issue of bed wetting so I decided to cover this problem with today’s blog.

There are many different reasons why children wet the bed.  The important thing to remember is that they are not wetting the bed on purpose. Statistics show the 11% of 5-7 year olds wet the bed.

Many studies carried out on the causes of bed wetting indicate that there is a genetic predisposition to the condition.

Commonly children who wet the bed usually have or suffer from one of the following.
A small bladder.
Constipation.
Kidney infection/disease.
Food sensitivity or allergy.
Difficulty waking up at night.
Lack of bladder control.
Problems at home.
Problems at school.
A major change in the child’s life.
Childs room is too cold.
Fear of walking around the house at night.
Need for parental attention.

I have over the years worked with many children that have suffered from bed wetting and have found the following steps to tackling the problem very successful.

The first and most important thing to do is talk to your child about the bed wetting. Set aside a few hours for this chat. Make it fun! Go for a walk in the park, a play in the playground or out for a smoothie. Make sure your chat is private with no brothers, sisters, friends or other family member’s ear wigging.  Then back to the house for some fun art and craft. (Don’t worry ill explain later)

Take this opportunity to ask your child if they know why they wet the bed?  Try not to suggest answers let them tell you their reasons.

If your child says they do not know. Then ask questions like are you awake or asleep when you wet the bed? How do you feel when you wet the bed? Do you like wetting the bed? Are you happy with our plan for what you are supposed to do if they need go to the toilet at night?

Try not to get angry or frustrated if you feel you are getting nowhere. Explain to your child why you are talking to them.  That you are worried about them. It’s really not very hygienic and that’s it’s something you want to help them with. You want them to wake up happy.

Once your child has off loaded their feeling.  It is time in agreement with your child to put a plan in place to prevent bed wetting.

Step 1
Make some rules about drinks. What you are looking to achieve here is an agreement from your child to drink more early in the day with a no more drinks rule in place after 5.30pm.

Step 2.
Explain to them that when they get the first feeling of needing to go to toilet at night that they need to go immediately. (If your child is not waking after a few nights I would strongly recommend getting a bed wetting alarm these range from €40-€100).

Step 3.
Walk through and discuss what your child is to do if they need to go the toilet at night.

Be very clear, detail from the time they get the urge to go, to how to get out of bed.  Show them how to make their way to the toilet. Explain how to get up on /stand at the toilet, wash hands and then make their way back to bed.

By walking your child through the process you may discover another thing that is putting them off.

If your child is afraid of the dark or nervous of being out of bed along have your child call you or agree to leave some lights on. Make sure your child is 100% happy with the plan.

There are differing opinions on “lifting” children during the night. If you do decide to lift your child only do so once when you are going to bed.
When doing this wake your child and guide (do not carry them) to the toilet.

(Lifting children or putting pull ups on during the night is thought to develop a habit of going to the toilet rather than developing bladder control).

Step 3
once you have your plan in place it’s time to get to work on your art and craft project. Write out the rules (don’t worry if your child can’t read they will know what it says)

Have your child decorate the rules chart. Then make a star chart with all seven days on it. Put the charts in your child’s room make sure they can see it from bed.

Give lots of praise on dry morning say how proud you are of them. Make a point of admiring how clean their sheets smell.

Keep a diary yourself of the nights your child is wetting or dry it may help you get to the bottom of it.

If your child has wet the bed. Get up with them do not be tempted to let them sleep in your bed. Have them help you change the sheets and put clean sheets and pjs on. Do not talk to the child during this process.
Whisper to them that it’s the middle of the night so you have to be quiet and quick so you can all get back to sleep. Only say this once and ignore your child if they try to engage you in conversation.
In the morning make sure your child has a shower- you don’t want them picked on for smelling in school.

After their shower point out (not crossly) that they will not be receiving a star on their chart. Do not get angry with or punish your child as this will only escalate the problem.

If you have followed all of the above you should see more dry nights than wet nights in the first week.

If all of the above fails visit your GP as there may be a medical reason for your child’s bed wetting.

 

Food for Thought

Just recently I read an article that stated there are at least 327,000 children over weight in Ireland. This is devastating news and as a nation we should be ashamed of ourselves.
No child is responsible for what enters their mouths. All adults have a responsibility to protect children from this devastating disease. Studies have shown that obese children are more likely to turn into obese adults, have more health problems and heartbreakingly have lower self esteem.

I have always been a firmbeliever in children having four meals a day with no snacks in-between. Treats are ok the odd day and on special occasions. I firmly believe that treats

are not necessary and really should not be given to children under the age of three or longer if you can get away with it.

I have been minding children in one aspect or another for more than 10 years. In this time I have seen a major shift in the type of food parents feed their children. Perhaps having my own made me look more closely at what is available and more shockingly what products are aimed at children.

There are an extensive variety of biscuits and crisps that come in brightly coloured wrapping with all or a variation of the following jumping off the front of the packets, sugar free, organic, nutritious, and junk free.   On reading the nutritional labels on some of these products the calories per portion range from 30 to 220. The juice content in some of these products means that where you see sugar free or no added sugar plastered all over the wrapper the nutritional information on some of the products I looked at displayed sugar values ranging from 1-6g per portion.

Aside from what the labels say wake up parents and carers and anyone else who buys these products for children they are still biscuits and crisps.

By giving children these they are developing a taste for products like these and as they get older they will just be replaced with a higher calorie, sugar and fat versions.

Then there are the dried fruit bars and snacks. I must admit I too am fan of raisins but I honestly cannot see the point in giving my child dried banana or apple when eating the fruit fresh is more filling and more nutritious.
I know from plenty of experience that meal times can be a major battle ground with some babies putting up challenges as young as 6 months. As adults we owe to our children to win these battles.

 

 

My Battle With Breastfeeding.

The few weeks before giving birth to my daughter I was still undecided whether or not to breast feed. I read all the articles about why you should breast feed and decided I could not live with the guilt of not trying so try I did.
The moment she was born the nurse placed her on my chest and said “go on feed her.” Aaaaaaaaaah how? Have you the instructions? Screamed from inside my head. Thankfully not out of my mouth. I think I had hurled enough abuse at her already, but that’s a blog for another day.
So the first photo of my little girl was taken as she had her first feed.

The only way to describe feeding after that was a disaster. I lay, sat up, manoeuvred into any position I could trying in vain to latch my baby on. Now, like I said, I’d done the research. I read every article, book, leaflet I could get my hands. I asked friends and acquaintances advice.  I attended the local breast feeding club.
By day four I was getting nowhere. By now my little girl was screaming with hunger and I was in floods of tears.

In desperation at nearly midnight I rang a dear friend who let me call over and helped me try latch the baby on. Feeling a bit more confident about the whole thing I retried this technique at home. Now she would latch on but only for a few seconds then she would slip off and push me away and scream. I was not prepared to give up on breast milk yet.  So, the hummm became part of our lives. I pumped out each feed then gave it to her in a bottle. After all that effort my heart would sink as the entire contents of her stomach would, after each feed, come flying across the room.

After a few days angry rashes broke out on my child’s skin. (Not milk rash) The doctors diagnosed her as having a viral rash followed by bad reflux and appropriate treatments for the above were recommended. Nothing was working!

After ten weeks of pumping and many tears from both mother a baby I decided, enough was enough it was time to pack in the breast milk. I slowly weaned her off the breast milk an oz at time. None of her symptoms improved. Her weight was dropping rather that increasing she looked so ill.

We visited a pediatrician who confirmed what I had started to suspect my child is allergic to all milk breast, formula, goats, soy and rice.

We were prescribed a prescription formula but the poor little pet was still suffering. Her weight dropping again we spent a week in Tallaght hospital where they decided to add a thickener to her bottle to try and hold the food down.

Things improved from here but at 14 weeks I decided to do something I had questioned through all of the above. I trusted my instincts.
I gave her food….friends, mid wives and even total strangers criticised. Ounce by ounce I reduced her milk as her food increased. She is now a healthy thriving one year old that eats everything, except dairy of course.

My advice to any mother tossing up the breast or bottle issue is doing what is right for you and your baby. Breastfeeding is definitely harder in the first few week and the benefits are all well documented but trust your instincts. The first few weeks with your baby are so special if you trust your instincts you and your baby will be happier for it.

Why Blog Title

I have been working as childcare professional for more than 15 years during this time I have worked at summer camps both in Ireland and abroad. Coordinated children’s birthday parties, supervised in an adventure zone, worked as a nanny, supervised in crèches and for the past few years have been running my own childcare business from my home. So along with being qualified I have a wealth of experience.
From all this I am the go to person among family, friends and friends of friends on childcare advice.

Last year I became a mum myself to a beautiful little girl. I remember the nurse handing me this little tiny baby and being overcome with emotion. The umbilical cord may have been cut but the attachment I felt to this little bundle was so intense.
With that first cry I felt that wrench, the tug of the cord that can’t be cut. The tie from my little girl’s vocal cord to my heart that pulls with each whimper, wail and sob.

Then Then panic alarm kicked in again “no you can’t hand her back at 6pm.” Trying to breastfeed and sleepless nights was a minefield no amount of qualifications or experience from minding other people’s kids could help me with.
I felt helpless when she would not latch on and sobbed as my friend gave me instructions on how to feed her.

The emotional side of being a parent hit me like a ton of bricks. While all the training and experience has benefited me greatly I now have more understanding of why parents struggle to implement best practice childcare. In offering advice now I do so as a professional but also as a parent.
Every parent is trying to be super we just all take a different road and every so often we need someone to help us find our way (me included).